I have worked with many children and their parents over the years. A question I am frequently asked is, “What can we do?” These parents are genuinely concerned for their child and want to help. So often, parents do not have the resources or know those resources that can help both them and their child. There are so many resources out there now for parents, but digging through them can be a daunting and overwhelming task. If you Google “parenting strategies” and you will get 98 million results. Literally. No human on the planet has time to go through all of those results, let alone a parent who is trying to keep tiny humans alive and healthy every day.
The following books are ones I have suggested to parents many times. The first three are for you, the parent/caregiver. The last two on the list are written for a parent/caregiver to sit down and read with the child.
1. The New Strong Willed Child by Dr. James C. Dobson
Ah, strong willed children. Let me tell you, they are my favorite. They are also a lot of work and quite frankly the adults in their world will feel like giving up at some point, sometimes multiple times a day. Don’t quit on them yet. What you see as a frustration is one of their greatest assets as well.
Dr. Dobson has a great take on strong willed children. His book is full of stories from actual parents and strong willed children. It also includes strategies on how to best handle your strong willed child and how to turn that personality type into a positive. Have a child that is strong willed and diagnosed with ADHD? Yep, he covers that too.
2. Boundaries with Kids: When to Say Yes, When to Say No to Help Your Children Gain Control of Their Lives by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend
Boundaries are SO important in our lives and especially in our relationships. Our society tends to push to an extreme of saying that we do not need boundaries in our lives. We just need more. We need more activities to fill ours and our kids time. We need more followers on all the social media. We need more cars, more video games, more jobs, more volunteer jobs, more, more, more. To be frank, it’s a load of crap. What we need is more boundaries in order to have a healthy emotional, physical and mental life. Children are no different. In order for kids to feel safe and secure, they need to have boundaries in their lives. Teaching them boundaries helps set them up for success later in life.
The authors of Boundaries with Kids take you through 10 principles that children need to understand to become healthy, well-adjusted adults. The book also includes six steps to implementing boundaries with your children. If you haven’t started boundaries with your children, start today! It may be a challenge at first, depending on your child’s age, but I guarantee it will get easier and will be life changing for you and your little one.
3. The Five Love Languages of Children by Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell
Everyone longs to be loved, but did you know everyone experiences love in different ways? People both receive and give love differently. Everyone has all five love languages in them but, like personality traits, some are more dominant that others. In this book, the authors do a great job of laying out the five primary love languages and how each both receives and gives love. You will also learn how to discover your child’s love language and how to speak it to develop a deeper relationship with your kids.
4. A Boy and a Bear: The Children’s Relaxation Book by Lori Lite
This book is brilliant at teaching children how to use simple relaxation techniques. This is a story about a boy who meets a bear and teaches the bear how to relax. The book is easy for children to understand and they can do the motions and breathing with the boy. Relaxation techniques are so important in today’s hurried lifestyle. Relaxation has been shown to reduce anxiety and stress as well as lift one’s mood. The sooner your child learns these skills, the sooner you’ll see results when you tell them to “calm down and relax.”
5. A Terrible Thing Happened by Margaret M. Holmes
Sometimes children witness events that are beyond their comprehension. With the prevalence of school shootings and other atrocities, our children are exposed to the trauma of this world more than ever. This book is a handy tool to help walk children through those traumas. Your child will meet Sherman, a raccoon, who saw a terrible thing happen. Sherman soon starts to experience emotions and physical symptoms he doesn’t understand. What I like most about this book is that it never says what terrible thing Sherman witnessed. It leaves it open for the child to fill in whatever traumatic event he/she witnessed. Even if your child has not witnessed a traumatic event, the book is good for walking a child through an event that has upset them.
***This book does not in any way take the place of a trained mental health worker. If your child has been traumatized in any way, please find a qualified professional to help walk you and your child through their healing process. Even Sherman talks with a professional.***
Well there you go. There are a million more (well 98 million more) but these are a good place to start. Happy reading!